BitterSweet
by GhostJ
Summary: An alternative reason for Sirius not being the secret keeper. Not compliant with any book really. Sirius/James; One sided


"James, you should choose someone else."  
"Sirius, you're my best mate. How could I choose someone else to protect my family?"  
"'Cause it would be the smart thing to do."  
"Since when has the word smart ever been used as a description of us Marauders?"

Sirius looked across the room at James and considered how fatherhood had changed his friend. Standing in the light of the fireplace he wasn't any less confident than he had been. No, James had always been sure of himself. Even when he'd asked Lily to marry him, there'd had been no hesitation. It was merely something that had needed to be done, and so it had been.

No, the only thing fatherhood had bestowed upon James was that look of desperation in his eyes, which was why he'd sought Sirius out in the first place.

"That was a long time ago James and I already have a target painted on my back for not siding with my inbred, pureblood family."  
"Which is why you should understand how important it is to set up the fidelius charm now. For Lily and Harry's sake, Padfoot. They're sure to come after them."  
"They'll be after me too. They are now, even without the added bonus of getting at your family. Why not pick Moony or even Wormtail? They'd never suspect him."  
"By the same token, they'd never suspect you either then, considering how little we see of you anymore."  
"With Voldemort rising-"

"Bullshit, Sirius. We haven't seen you for almost a _year_ now. Harry is nearly one and he wants to see his godfather, and in case you forgot that's _you _Padfoot. I won't let you get away with just sending a toy broom and a card for his birthday."  
"James, it won't work. You need to ask someone else."  
"Sirius, you are my best mate. My bloody _best man_ at one point too. I have _never_ needed your help more than I need it right now. Why? Why won't you help me?"  
"Look James, we've been-"  
"Padfoot, is this about Lily?"  
"You should know better than that."  
"I know you were interested in her, but she-"  
"That's not it James. I don't think I could ever make you understand why I can't help you. But I can't. I can't do it James."

"Fine then, let's see it!" James snapped and walked over to grab Sirius' arm.  
"James?!"  
"Where's your _fucking_ dark mark? I wouldn't have believed you of all people would have let that son of a bitch put his mark on you, but let's see it you bloody _bastard_!"

"I don't have one, you idiot." Sirius flipped up his shirt sleeves and moved to undo the buttons down its front. "Want to check me any where else?" He finished by spinning his shirt off towards the table.  
"Are my pants going to have to come off too? Although I think we'd both agree that only Snivellus would let the Dark Lord so close to his privies."  
"Does that make betraying me ok to you? _Does it, Sirius_?! I'd rather Snivellus who advertises his _loyalty_ to the dark, for God's sake. That way I wouldn't have thought that I could trust you. I wouldn't have spent all those years being your friend when you obviously aren't mine! Is the fact that this is your _choice_ supposed to make it a better one?"  
"Don't look to me for answers James. You and I, all we ever had were grandiose plans, never answers."  
"Fine _Sniffles, _I guess I'll take your advice and go ask Wormtail then. Considering the cowardly bastard you've turned into, maybe he'll end up being the bloody heir of _fucking_ Gryffindor."

James turned and grabbed the floo pot off the mantle and threw a handful into the fire.

"I'll be there for Harry's birthday, Prongs." Sirius whispered.

"If you can find us," James spoke to the fireplace and turned slowly to look back at Sirius.  
"If anything happens to Lily or Harry it _will_ be your fault."

"It's always been my fault James; I can't give a better answer than that."

.-.

"This wasn't the way it was supposed to turn out Prongs."  
"You, Lily, and Harry were supposed to live happily ever after, and I was supposed to pretend that- that was good _enough_. I guess I thought that if I wasn't the secret keeper, I could pretend that I didn't know the secret. That you were with her... and you were _happy_."

Sirius bent down with Harry cradled in his arms and amongst the approaching wails of the sirens, kissed James' cooling lips.

"I'm sorry I was too weak to carry the weight of your secret and mine, my friend."


End file.
